Reggie in Retirement: The Musical
by MasturbatingLegend
Summary: Reggie, after retiring as CEO of Nintendo of America, finds himself caught once again in the world of Fortnite. He will be joined by The Beatles and Todd Howard on his quest to get back into the real world. Along the journey, The Beatles (with Todd Howard's excellent vocals) will perform parodies of their own songs.


Chapter 1: Reggie in Fortnite 3 ⅔

Darkness surrounded Reggie Fils-Aime. This was because it was 8:31 PM, and it was bedtime. Because of how late it was, he had trouble sleeping. But eventually, he fell asleep. 2 hours into sleep, an earthquake shocked his home and he fell onto a floor which had a Fortnite portal on it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Reggie screamed as he fell into the epic, so, so, so very epic world of Fortnite: Battle Royale. Reggie's body slammed into a very familiar bus. That's right, the BATTLE BUS. He then saw a familiar face- his now dead boyfriend, Sans Undertale. But… how was this even possible? He didn't know. He had heard the news of the mass suicide Sans took part in. Then he saw an even more familiar face.

Chapter 2: One Reggie, Two Reggie

"What the-" Reggie said. He couldn't believe that he had found himself. He decided to talk to the other Reggie. "You're me? How is this possible? Also, Sans? What? You killed yourself before I got you an abortion!" Reggie exclaimed. The other Reggie looked at Reggie. "So… you're me… from the future?" he asked. Reggie nodded. The other Reggie was surprised, to say the least. "Does that mean… attempting to get an abortion is pointless?" he said. "Well, kinda, but no. The weird stuff you… or… I get yoursel- I mean, myself into is worth the trouble. So don't wait- drop off the Battle Bus!" And so, Reggie from the past dropped. But now there was a problemo extremo for Reggie Fills Anime- how was he supposed to _leave_ Fortnite?

Chapter 3: Reggie, You Can Drive My Bus!

"Hey, hey, hey! It's Todd Howard!" said a voice from the bus driver seat. The bus driver got out of his seat to reveal himself as Mr. Skyrim, also known as Toddulous Howard. "Woah, Todd Howard!" Reggie exclaimed. "It seemed that you needed some help getting out of Fortnite… so, it seems you could use a little help from your NEW friends! Meet John, Paul, Ringo, and George!" Todd said, excited. "Yo," said John Lennon. "We were popular in the 1960's, you may have heard of us as The Beatles. Well, we're here to do an instrumental for a parody Todd over here is gonna do of our song, I guess. I hope musicals work in fanfiction form." Todd smiled. "That's right- hit it, boys!"

"Drive My Bus" (Parody of "Drive My Car")

"Got asked how to get out of Fortnitey,

I said, 'Reggie, can't you see?

I wanna be helpful, like a donkey to an ogre!

So you can use something in your travel-'

'Reggie, you can drive my bus

No, I won't make a fuss!

Reggie, you can drive my bus

And maybe it'll help you!'

He said that his future really ain't good

And I said, 'Reggie, it's understood

Being in Fortnite is all very fine

But I bet you could have a better time!'

'Reggie, you can drive my bus

No, I won't make a fuss!

Reggie, you can drive my bus

And maybe it'll help you!'

Beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!

'Reggie, you can drive my bus

No, I won't make a fuss!

Reggie, you can drive my bus

And maybe it'll help you!'

He asked me if he could start right away

And I said, 'Listen Reggie, I got something to say

You got lost, and it's breaking my heart

But you found a bus, and that's a start!'

'Reggie, you can drive my bus

No, I won't make a fuss!

Reggie, you can drive my bus

And maybe it'll help you!'

Beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!

Beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!

Beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!

Beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!"

"Woo!" The Beatles and Todd Howard yelled after their amazing song. Reggie was frozen in his amazement. "So, Reggie, you can drive my bus!" Todd said. Reggie took the keys very happily. "I am speed."

Chapter 4: Reggie Runs Out Of Gas

The Beatles and Todd took their seats as Reggie started driving, looking for a portal. "What does a Fortnite portal even look like?" Ringo Starr asked. Reggie thought for a second. "I don't know, exactly. But you'd know one when you saw it." Reggie drove for many hours, until suddenly, he realized that gas was low. "Uh, Todd? Do you have any gas on here?" he asked. Todd's eyes went wide. "Um, oh god, no." Suddenly the Battle Bus came crashing down from the skies of Fortnite. Sans took too much damage from the fall and died along with his unborn child, Luis Fonsi. Todd, The Beatles, and Reggie decided to squad up. After all, they already were teamed up, anyway. "Well, up for a little tune, Reggie?" everyone asked. "Sure, I could use the encouragement."

"With A Little Help From My Squad" (Parody of "With A Little Help From My Friends")

"What would you think if I spared a default?

Would you stand up and quit game on me?

Lend me your Scar, and I'll shoot you a squad

And I'll try not to miss all the shots

Oh, I get by with a little help from my squad

Mmm, score high with a little help from my squad

Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my squad

What do I do when my squad is away?

_Does it worry you to play solo?_

How do I feel by the end of each play?

_Are you sad 'cause what to do, you don't know?_

No, I get by with a little help from my squad

Mmm, score high with a little help from my squad

Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my squad

_Do you need anybody?_

I need some noob to shoot

_Could it be anybody?_

I want some noob to kill

_Would you believe in a kill at first shot?_

Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time

_What do you see when you win the game?_

I can tell you, and you know it's not lame

Oh, I get by with a little help from my squad

Mmm, score high with a little help from my squad

Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my squad

_Do you need anybody?_

I just need some noob to shoot

_Could it be anybody?_

I want some noob to kill

Oh, I get by with a little help from my squad

Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my squad

Oh, I score high with a little help from my squad

Yes, I get by with a little help from my squad

With a little help from my squad!"

"Yeah, I suppose I feel sorta better now. I'm _**PUMPED**_!" Reggie said. "That's nice to hear, I've been waiting to use this song for years." Todd said. "Yeah, and we've been locked in his basement for yea-." Paul McCartney tried to say, before being elbowed by Todd Howard. Reggie then tripped over something on the ground. After yelling every big bad heck word ever made, he decided to look at it. A golden Scar lied there for his taking. "Well, I suppose that this journey is starting to get better." Reggie said. "Is that so?" Todd said. Reggie realized what he had done and sighed. "Alright, you can sing again."

"It's Still Getting Better" (Parody of "Getting Better")

"It's getting better all the time!

I used to get mad at the PS4

The squad that played with me was a sore

Holding me down, as I had found

Filling me up with their rules!

I've got to admit, it's getting better!

Getting a little better, all the time

I have to admit, it's getting better!

It's getting better, since you gave me skins!

Me used to be an angry 9-year ol' boy

Me hiding me head in the Fortnite toy

You gave me the card

I finally bought skins

I'm doing the best that I can

I've got to admit, it's getting better!

Getting a little better, all the time

I have to admit, it's getting better!

It's getting better, since you gave me skins!

Getting so much better all the time!

It's getting better all the time!

Better, better, better!

It's getting better all the time!

Better, better, better!

I used to be cruel to my squad

I left them and kept them apart from the vicroy they loved

Man, I was mean, but I'm changing my scene

And I'm doing the best that I can!

I admit, it's getting better!

A little better, all the time!

Yes, I admit, it's getting better!

It's getting better, since you gave me skins!

Getting so much better all the time!

It's getting so much better all the time!

It's getting better all the time!

Better, better, better!

It's getting better all the time!

Better, better, better!

Getting so much better all the time!"

"Maybe we can lay off of the music for a while, as good as it may be. We need to focus on winning." Reggie suggested. "Maybe we can lay off the music! Duh, doy!" John Lennon repeated, mocking Reggie. "Fine, have your music. I think it's distracting you guys though." Reggie replied. And so, the quest continued.

Chapter 5: Can't Buy Me Skins, Oh!

After hours into their epic Fortnite journey, the squad decided to camp out for the night. They set up a campfire and starting talking. "So, Reggie. What makes your journey so 'crazy'?" Todd asked. "Well, so far I've been arrested multiple times, killed Ninja epic Fortnite streamer in game, and also met some pretty epic people. It's all available on the page." Reggie answered. "Oh, that's cool. Do you have any Fortnite skins?" Todd asked next. "Seems like a waste of money to me, so no. Also mommy won't let me have the Visa card." Reggie answered. "Sounds like a song to me. Ready, boys?" Todd said. "Hell yeah!" they exclaimed.

"Can't Buy Me Skins" (Parody of "Can't Buy Me Love")

"Can't buy me skins, oh, no, oh

Can't buy me skins, oh

You can buy John Wick skins, my friend, if it makes you feel epic

You can get any skin, my friend, if it makes you feel alright

But I just care too much for money

Money can't buy me skins

You can buy all that they've got to give, if you say that it helps you

I just don't have a lot to give, and what I've got I give for food

I just care too much for money

Money can't buy me skins

Can't buy me skins, oh

I just wanna tell ya so

Can't buy me skins, oh

No, no, no, no

Well, I don't need no Skull Trooper and I'm just satisfied

Tell me that you want the kinds of things that money is meant for

I just care too much for money

Money can't buy me skins

Buy me skins, oh

I just wanna tell ya so

Can't buy me skins, oh

No, no, no, no

Well, I don't need no Skull Trooper and I'm just satisfied

Tell me that you want the kinds of things that money is meant for

I just care too much for money

Money can't buy me skins

Can't buy me skins, oh, no, oh

Can't buy me skins, oh, oh"

Reggie started clapping. "Yeah, that sums me up, basically. Skins are a waste of money. Well, I'm off to sleep. See you in the morning."

Chapter 6: Reggie's Got A Ticket Through Time

Reggie woke up to gunshots ringing out around him. He realized that he had seen the player who was shooting at him before, and killing that player had earned him a trip to prison. Ninja, famous Fortnite streamer, was in the same game. He didn't want to shift the events of time too much, so he tried to make the camp look abandoned and left some stuff for Ninja to loot. Ninja picked up the items and left. _Phew, _Reggie thought. _That can't happen until the events of the third story._ But then he realized- the events of time had already been severely altered. When the Battle Bus crashed, he had prevented the mass suicide and also the arrival of the Columbine shooters. In preventing this, he had now kept the events of Reggie in Fortnite 2 and 3 from happening. He needed to do something, and fast. His memory of the events was fading away, and he knew that also meant criminal scum like the Columbine shooters would still be alive. So, he decided to wake everyone else up. "Hey, guys! I got some bad news! We need to go back in time to make sure gas gets onto the Battle Bus! It's urgent!" he yelled. "What? If we had access to going back in time, wouldn't we have gotten you back home now?" George asked. "Well, yes, but actually no. You see, time travel in this universe only works in this Fortnite universe." Reggie answered. "Well then boys, I'd say we should get goin'!" Todd said, oddly excited for the adventure that was coming up. "I believe one of the vending machines should have a ticket through time, at least, I hope." Todd told Reggie. During the long and winding road to the closest vending machine, the squad took out many other squads, bringing the squad count down to around 10. Finally, they had reached their destination. And, sure enough, the vending machine did have a ticket and Reggie had the wood. Reggie grabbed the ticket that dispensed from the machine and looked at it, noticing that it only had 2 uses. He figured this wouldn't be an issue. Reggie held the ticket in pride, but as he was prepared to use it, Paul had one request. "Can we sing just _one more_ song before you go? Please?" he asked. Reggie accepted the offer.

"Ticket Through Time" (Parody of Ticket to Ride)

"I think I'm gonna be sad

I think it's today, yeah

The guy that was driving my bus is going behind

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

And he can't share

He said that crashing the bus

Is bringing him down, yeah

He would never meet all his future friends

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

And he can't share

I don't know why, but I think he's high

He should think twice, he should stay right by me

Before we get to saying goodbye

He should think twice, he should stay right by me

I think I'm gonna be sad

I think it's today, yeah

The guy that was driving my bus is going behind

Oh, he's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

And he can't share

I don't know why, but I think he's high

He should think twice, he should stay right by me

Before we get to saying goodbye

He should think twice, he should stay right by me

He said that crashing the bus

Is bringing him down, yeah

He would never meet all his future friends

Oh, he's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

He's got a ticket through time

And he can't share

My Reggie can't share

My Reggie can't share

My Reggie can't share

My Reggie can't share

My Reggie can't share"

Just as they finished the song, Reggie was warped back in time.

Chapter 7: One Reggie, Two Reggie, Three Reggie

Reggie was back on the Battle Bus all of a sudden, and, sure enough, he saw Sans and Reggie from the past. At pretty much the same time, another Reggie slammed into the bus. "What the-" said the newly arrived Reggie from the past of the future. Reggie explained to the Reggie from the past of the future that he had to either turn down the upcoming offer for the Battle Bus or make sure to stop for gas first. Reggie from the present then hid out to watch the events unfold. "Hey, hey, hey! It's Todd Howard!" said a voice from the bus driver seat, which had to have been Todd from the past. "Woah, Todd Howard!" Reggie from the past of the future exclaimed. "It seemed that you needed some help getting out of Fortnite… so, it seems you could use a little help from your NEW friends! Meet John, Paul, Ringo, and George!" Todd from the past said, excited. "Yo," said John Lennon from the past. "We were popular in the 1960's, you may have heard of us as The Beatles. Well, we're here to do an instrumental for a parody Todd over here is gonna do of our song, I guess. I hope musicals work in fanfiction form." Todd from the past smiled. "That's right- hit it, boys!"

After the performance of "Drive My Bus", Reggie from the past of the future accepted the keys and said his first stop was a gas station. And so, feeling accomplished Reggie reused his ticket through time… or so he thought he did. He looked at his hands and realized the ticket had disappeared. He realized that he got the ticket after the crash, which no longer was an event in time. "Oh shit." he muttered. He decided to take over the bus. "Hey! Me! Give yourself the fucking keys!" he yelled, while strangling him from the past of the future. He could feel the pain himself, but it was worth it. He finally had the keys, and sent the bus flying straight down. The bus exploded on impact.

Chapter 8: Fortnite Hospital

Reggie from the present opened his eyes. He realized he was in the Fortnite hospital. _The bus crash must have injured me_, he thought. After looking around, he realized he was the only person injured during the crash. That meant him from the past of the future was out there. Then he reached into his pocket. He felt something. He pulled it out and found none other than his ticket through time. He used it to go in the future a while until he was camped out with everyone else. After once again opening his eyes, he found himself in their small camp. He also saw something unexpected- himself, once again. Thinking he could easily go forward completely to the present, he reached into his pocket for his ticket through time. His pocket was empty. And the other one. He thought back to when he got it and realized he'd used up all 2 uses of the ticket. Reggie didn't know what to do at this point. Go off to get another ticket or just stay at the camp?

Chapter 9: Gay Tripper

Todd Howard sat in the camp thinking about Reggie. Todd really loved Reggie, but didn't know how to say it. Todd saw Reggie in the distance all of a sudden, who was staring at the camp for some reason. Then he saw another Reggie wake up from his rest. _What the hell is going on?_ Todd thought to himself. Todd knew the one staring had to be a fake spy or something like that, right? So he took his scar and tried to shoot the Reggie in the head. The Reggie dodged, and yelled at Todd. "What the actual hell do you think you're doing?! I'm from the future!" Todd wasn't convinced. "Then you would feel this!" Todd said, followed by a shot at the "real" Reggie. "WHAT THE FU-" Reggie from the present died, and the past Reggie was left to be revived. Todd knew that he had messed up and ruined all romantic possibilities with Reggie. He revived Past Reggie which revived Present Reggie too. "Well, time has already been ruined enough, so just leave me dead!" Present Reggie said. Present Reggie decided to kill himself, and took the shot.

Chapter 10: Basically Ruining The Story For You- You're Welcome!

It was all a dream, apparently. Yeah, that entire musical you just read was a dream. So forget every "Reggie in Fortnite" canon destroying part of this story, because it doesn't matter in the end, okay? I know these endings really, _really, __**really**_ suck, but I really don't give a fuck. Go on with your day, or go cry about how this could have been the "epic reggie in fortnite: infinity war" or something, because this was meant to be the shortest Reggie in Fortnite story (although, it probably was longer than most, thanks to the songs) and go along with Reggie's recent (if like two hundred months ago is recent) retirement.. So, uh, yeah. Reggie in Fortnite is over, and I'm onto discovering more books of the Holy Bible of Nicoism and writing more fanfics. Bye, I suppose. Go out and buy a Beatles album, I guess. I dunno.


End file.
